Family

What is family? The dictionary says - "a group of individuals living under one roof and under one head : household. A group of persons of common ancestry." I interpret this definition to mean that anyone can create their own family. We don't necessary have to share the same ancestry or blood line. The old adage of "blood is thicker than water" nowadays has been exactly what it is now - some ol'saying folks used to say back in the day.

Some of us grew up in the 70's, 80's, and I'm even gonna throw in the 90's.  Most of us can testify of the changes we've seen around us and around the world. We can also see the effects of a country's condition on the structure of our families. Some of us came from a household that had a father working and being the sole provider; meanwhile the mother is managing the household with different activities such as cooking, cleaning, and caring for the children. But as the economy continuously shifted gears on its people, mothers and fathers had to work long hours. The structure of the household was no longer a father or a mother being the head of the household. As a result, most children became subject to a world of limited guidance and supervision. Some became rebellious, out of control, unruly children having children of their own. Others became "mini adults", and refused to become a statistic.

I was one of the rebellious ones, but didn't have my own child until I reached my mid-twenties. That's how it was written in the script for me. Yes. The activities in this world were previously written by the unseen force that rules the world. But that's a whole another topic. Smdh. Scattered brain. Anyway, family structure - I grew up in a family where the mother did everything and the father was just there. I'm the fourth child and third female. Our father, who is currently in his 70s, was not much of a father figure. Some have said to me, "well, at least, your father is living and he didn't beat you for no reason." Granted, he never put a hand on me and he is breathing; however, he never disciplined, showed affection, took us out, or had "talks" with us. As an adolescent without much supervision that used to fuck with my head. But as an adult, I understand the card that was dealt to him. His father died when he was 17, and he didn't know how to be a father bla bla bla. Yep, that's what it sounds like after awhile. Moving right along. Growing up in a christian, somewhat sheltered home, where my mother was the boss, played an important role on how I view women and family structure.

Some of us grew up hearing how it takes a father to be the head of the household, work and provide for his family. It takes a mother to be the "first lady" of the household, nourish and nurture her family. Nowadays, we mostly choose whatever role fits our personalities or values. The family structure is no longer limited to biological married parents. Today, we are surrounded, or have interacted with people who grew up with two fathers, two mothers, one single or divorced parent (father or mother), adoptive or foster parents,  and grandparents. Some folks who are stuck in their traditional ways feel that the child is being cut short from their developement when the set up is not a father and a mother. That is not necessarily true. We were all born with a survival instinct. Whether we are raised by wolves or humans, a survival trait is there. We will eventually look for or find the things that help us survive as a human being. Yes, I understand that some of us are weaker than others, and they need more attention. But eventually the weak ones will get stronger.

Within the family structure there's the family ways of doing things. Some families may be affectionate, loud, cussing is in their every day conversation, and they're somewhat closed. Other families may be distant emotionally, soft spoken, keep to themselves, and speak or behave a certain way with each other. Bottomline, we won't always agree with the way things are done in our families. We will often have disappointments, disturbing and scandelous secrets, or embarassing people and moments. Despite of it all, when shit hits the fan, when outsiders are attacking your little clan, your peoples......most of the times we all come together to defend or support our families. We know, accept and make a stand when we say - "that's family."