What do you want?

There was a time, you and I thought we were meant to be. We had a relationship that lasted for awhile. We were young. I tolerated bullshit. And you did what you thought was safe to keep your secret a secret - A stud for a lover and a friend.

Years have gone by. We break up. At first, I felt relieved of the pressure and demands from a committed relationship. But you felt violated, crushed, and betrayed. You will never trust another with your heart. Male or female.

But after awhile, I realized I quit too soon, and tried to win you back. But you weren't trying to hear that old tune. Nigga! you fucked up! keep it movin' - you say. So i kept it moving until i forced this love thing to be squeezed out of my heart.

My heart free....ready to feel and give love. Years have gone by again. It's time for a new season. We recovered from our past. We both have encountered different relationships. Every now and then we wondered what's going on in each other's lives. Sometimes we secretly wished things were different. But that was guilt and loneliness playing tricks on us. But finally we agreed to be friends. 

Friends we are today. And friends we will be for as long as possible. Somehow the tune you're playing now sounds like my old tune....and I'm not trying to hear it. Somehow the games you play are not attractive anymore. What do you want? What do you want me to do now?

You worry about how you look and always wanna have the upperhand.  Always wanna be ahead of the "game". Not everyone plays game....gotdamit! Sometimes people do random shit just to do random shit. Period. But you think niggas are out to play you like a violin. Let your strings relax lil'mama, and enjoy life. You're a big ball of knots, and I wonder who will loosen them up. I once had my time with you, but now it's gone. I can only look from a distance, and extend some support. I once was there a 100%, but now my responsibilities have caused a necessary cut. I'm sorry. Life happens.

I hope you meet someone that suits you well. I no longer occupy that territory, and I'm ok for someone else to take over. I'm not gonna have my cake and eat it too. Yea, there was a time I thought it was ok to do so; but nigga had to grow the fuck up. Games are for immature, not yet emotionally establish mut like I once was.

Bottomline, the time will come and maturity, understanding, peace, love will find their natural place. No doubt.